I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
