the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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