his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
