This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
