Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
