You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
