Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
