this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Please, let me fuck your mom
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
