I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
