I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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