When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
