Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

and trust me i need no booty pop lessons

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.

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(248): View more from Michigan

my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!

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(530): View more from California

he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"

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