im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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