I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
