well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
