our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
