I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
babies were throwing up all over the place
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
