Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
