"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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