She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
