So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
