I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So much rum. So many feels.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
