first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
