I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
