I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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