drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
