On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
