my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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