I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
