Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
