this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
