also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
