OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
