It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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