I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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