what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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