nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we have pet lesbian snakes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
