you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How's work?
Spinning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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