Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
