I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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