She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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