Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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