I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
