I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
