tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i was in the wii world.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
