sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
