I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
