id be glad to
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
