when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
