I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
