We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
