He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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