Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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