i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
