Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
