I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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