Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
