She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
