I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
