Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
