you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize