He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Shame is for Republicans.
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