once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
