im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
