Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
